Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Throwing bones

Here are a couple of recent entries from my favorite online magazine, McSweeney's:

Movies That
Won't Be Shown
on the Lifetime Network


- - - -

Mother, May I Marry a Nice Doctor You Really Like?

The Ideal Husband (Not Meant Ironically)

A Child Accounted For and in No Danger

The Amicable Divorce and Custody Agreement

A Pleasant Family Christmas

The Man Who Was as Nice as He Initially Appeared to Be

My Daughter's Internet Pen Pal Who Is Another Preteen Girl

The Successful Surgery That Improved the Quality of the Patient's Life

The Number of Children We Planned For, All Healthy

Things You Can Do
If You Love Jesus
Other Than Honk.


- - - -

Send him flowers for no reason

Pass him a note in geography

Make him a mix tape

Set him free

Make an altar to him with his trash

Also, for a very enjoyable read, please check out my friend Jake's post today. He liveblogged the State of the Union last night, and it makes for some fun stuff. I especially like minutes 2018, 2043, and 2055.


At 5:49 PM, Blogger Tom posited...

all young, trendy liberals remind me very much of Brooks from The Shawshank Redemption. You think you have it terrible now, and you just wish that you could be free of the republican administration, but honestly, what would you do under a democrat? i think that rather than the fiery, clever and outspoken liberals that we have come to know and love would turn into very bland and disinterested individuals. i guess the only difference between them and Brooks is that he had the common sense to know that change would be a bad thing for his character and role in the only society he knew...

At 5:50 PM, Blogger Tom posited...

and by "his character" i mean what defines his personality, not the character in the movie.

At 6:13 PM, Blogger Jake posited...

Ah, you're too kind.

And you neglected to mention your own accomplishment of one goal to which I've aspired many times but never achieved: getting published on McSweeney's Internet Tendency.

At 6:30 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

Tom -- "all young, trendy liberals"?

Thank you. Best laugh I've had in days.

I am tempted to write something like this:

Here's an interesting point worth noting:
If you go back through all the blog comments you have made, you will find that every time someone has criticized the president for anything, your response is something to the effect of "oh, those whiny liberals" or "all you do is complain" or "you think you have it terrible now." You have gone down this path many times before.

But one thing you never do is actually refute the points. You never provide any evidence that we are wrong. You never offer a counterpoint.
Yes, Jake's liveblog had some cheap shots, but it is meant as humor. But he also brings up many valid points: about the Supreme Court, about science, about platitudes. But since these are valid criticisms and concerns, you can't or don't address them. Instead you just lump all liberals together as a bunch of whiners.

But I won't write all of that. Instead I'll just remember that you are 18.

At 6:32 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

But I also want to add this: I will be 33 next week, and Jake will be 30 in a few months.
So to be called trendy and young in any context makes us both happy.

At 6:53 PM, Blogger *Nicole Elizabeth* posited...


At 7:45 PM, Blogger Tom posited...

i honestly wasn't referring to you or your friend jake with the "young, trendy liberals" remark. that would be somewhat disrespectful, and being disrespectful to people whom i either dont know or whom i respect was not my intention. the liveblog reminded me of every other liberal Bush lampoon ive heard over the past 5 years (while being admittedly more clever than most), which provoked my rant/comparison. i suppose i could have saved myself from ridicule/insults had i been more clear about that, and for that i deeply regret my comment. i had forgotten how careful i need to be on this blog in order to preserve my dignity.

At 8:15 PM, Blogger Johnny V posited...

All the Republicans could do under Clinton was complain about all the extramarital sex he was having.

Then they would become jealous.

At 8:17 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

Well, thank you, Tom. But you can see where the confusion stemmed from, right?

Tom, I also respect you a great deal. You have strong convictions, plus I admire that you even comment here in the first place! (Into the den of vipers and such.)

Don't take what I said as an insult or ridicule -- easier said than done, I realize. (Well, my "best laugh I've had in days" comment -- that was a bit of ridicule, but you've cleared that up.)
It is criticism, yes. And I stand by it because I think that what I said about your past comments is valid.

But you also cannot spin this back on me by saying "i had forgotten how careful i need to be on this blog in order to preserve my dignity." If this is something you have to keep worrying about, it may not be the blog's fault.

Quite often, all you do is complain that all liberals do is complain.

At 8:18 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

And yes, JV -- Many people seem to have quite a short-term memory about the 90s.

At 8:23 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

But more importantly than all of that, I just love the image of passing a love note to Jesus.

At 8:40 PM, Blogger Houley posited...

I would make him a really sweet mix tape. I'm sure he loves oldies and classic rock...

At 8:59 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

No way, Jason. Jesus was always cutting edge, ahead of his time, etc. If the Power Loon were dead in a cave, he'd never raise it from the dead.

At 10:10 PM, Blogger Johnny V posited...

Jesus Walks...

Hahahaha. Pun.

Go Kanye... Not really, I don't really like rap but still.

At 3:11 AM, Blogger pkizzle posited...

You can not like rap but still like Kanye.

At 8:33 AM, Blogger Kid C posited...

... and Will Smith.

At 9:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous posited...

Are you going to do your own post on the State of the Union? Personally my only way to get through it was to listen to Steve Earle's "Amerika V. 6.0" and try to pretend it was all a dream.

Hey, congrats on your upcoming 33rd B-day -- it's your Jesus year!


At 10:52 AM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

Thanks, Trevor. I hope I do the good works, but without the unfortunate end.

At 8:48 PM, Blogger pkizzle posited...

Thanks Erik, you're right.

At 3:16 PM, Anonymous Shyra posited...

Thanks for spreading my list around, and for properly accrediting me!


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