Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Dear catastrophe bastard

So here is my concert ticket fiasco:

I found out two weeks ago that Belle and Sebastian were coming to Chicago on March 10, and I got very excited. I have wanted to see them for 8 years or so, and now they are on tour with the New Pornographers. I knew my cousin Christie would want to go, so I was jazzed.
So I emailed Maya to tell her about the show, since I knew she was a fan. My only problem was that I still had not gotten my new credit card since I lost my wallet in Minnesota. So I could not buy the tickets right away.
So on Saturday, my card finally arrived, but of course when I went on Ticketmaster, I was told there were no longer tickets available. Fucking Ticketmaster. But I was able to find one of those secondary brokers that a friend had used many times for other tickets.
So I ordered the tickets from the broker (for twice the Ticketmaster price, mind you) and was told my order would be processed immediately. Well, I never got a confirmation email, so on Sunday, I went to their online help center (Live Chat Help) and the guy -- James -- told me, "Oh your order was processed. I don't know why you didn't get an email. Here is your FedEx tracking number. I'll resend the email."
But that re-sent email never arrived. So I went back on the chat, and was told, "Because the broker is so busy with Super Bowl tickets, other orders will be processed on Monday. I don't know why James gave you a tracking number."
So Monday comes and goes.
Today, I go back online, and I ask what's up. "Sorry, but your tickets are no longer available." Motherfucker.
I respond, "But they were available when I ordered them. What's the deal?"
"Well, the broker just put all orders except Super Bowl orders on hold. So between the time you placed your order, when tickets were available, and now, the tickets sold out."
Now, I am pissed.
I say, "But if you had not told me that the order had been processed, I could have gone elsewhere and gotten them before they were sold out."
And he said, "Well it was processed on our end. We did not know that the broker would wait so long."
Goddamn hell fuck shit.
So I say, "Since you can't communicate with your customers, I am screwed?"
He continues to insist that it is not his fault. So I drive to Las Vegas where he lives, burn down his house, and then stick a pipebomb in his pants: "That will teach you to fuck with me and my Belle and Sebastian tickets, fucker!" He dies.

So when I got back from Las Vegas, I went on Ebay, where I found two ground floor tickets for $135. I bought them. They are on the way.

  • Airplane ticket to Vegas: $345
  • Belle and Sebastian tickets: $135
  • Peforming terroristic acts on a ticket broker, getting Belle and Sebastian tickets, and saying "fuck" a lot in this post: Fuck yeah! . . . I mean: Priceless.

Portions of this story involving terrorism and Las Vegas may have been exaggerated.

Addendum: In his comment, Erik pointed out that my story makes no sense, since I said that I drove to Vegas, and then quoted the ticket price to fly there. Here is the portion of the story I forgot to add:
So I ordered the plane tickets to Las Vegas, but the flight was delayed, and the tickets were nonrefundable.
So I just decided to drive instead of wait for the next flight.

Thanks for correcting me, Erik.


At 12:59 PM, Blogger Kid C posited...

Your story doesn't add up. You claim to have driven to Las Vegas, but later you list the price for airline tickets to Sin City.

I no longer know what to believe.

But, yeah, if you DID commit terroristic acts on that James guy it would be more than understandable.

At 1:02 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

Ahh yes. Duly noted. Clearly I left out a small detail:
So I ordered the plane tickets to Las Vegas, but the flight was delayed, and the tickets were nonrefundable.
So I just decided to drive instead of wait for the next flight.

Thanks for pointing out my error. I am clearly a little tired from my cross-country killing adventure.

At 2:03 PM, Blogger Kid C posited...

Completely understandable.

At 3:25 PM, Blogger Jake posited...

"Dear catastrophe bastard" is the best title ever for a blog post and quite possibly anything, ever.

At 4:03 PM, Blogger Houley posited...

Was it Dave LaShomb? That would've been a twist.

At 5:07 PM, Blogger jimaal posited...

we sing and dance and play

At 6:16 PM, Blogger mayah posited...

hahhaha i'm w/ jake on the post title. what a nightmare. but, i'm glad you're coming! you might hate to hear this, but you may have purchased those tickets from my roommate and her boyfriend... they bought them early and sold on ebay after deciding they couldn't afford it. good times?

At 7:08 PM, Blogger Christie posited...

None of this is true.
John just came up with the brilliant blog title and made up this story to support it.

At 7:30 PM, Blogger Johnny V posited...

Fucking internet stores and their shitty customer service.

At 9:05 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

Don't believe my scheming cousin! Ok, some of the story was embellished (so there's no such thing as a "chat room" -- so what? It helped the story.)

At 11:55 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

Maya -- My Ebay tickets come from Arlington, Texas, so your roommate is cleared of all charges.

At 1:58 AM, Blogger mayah posited...

good, i'd feel terrible. if i'd known it were such an ordeal i could have put in a request to her, but i'm glad it all worked out, chatroom or not.

At 2:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous posited...

such a happy stoy, and all those deserving of life lived happilly ever after.. Yay!


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