Thursday, September 28, 2006

The black hole

During my sophomore year in college, this guy named Keith lived across the hall of my dorm floor, and I referred to him as the "humor vacuum." It wasn't just that he was unfunny, but that he was anti-funny. So sometimes the rest of the members of the floor would be laughing and having a good old time, and then Keith would saunter up, tell one of his antijokes in his pontificating manner, and all of the humor in the air would be sucked into some void.

Today I stumbled upon an old writing journal that I kept that year, and in it I chronicled some of Keith's finer moments.

Keith (walking up while we are playing cards): Why isn't there an increase in the popularity of rap music around Christmas, since that is when you wrap presents?

Mike (to Gene): Why are you always beating on me?
Keith: Yes, don't beat him. Use some variety--radish on him instead. (Beet. Get it?)

Me: I'm wandering the halls aimlessly.
Keith: You're wandering aimlessly? Then why don't you head over to Ames (Iowa) and get some?

Me: My toe hurts a lot today.
Keith: Then wait till tomorrow. It will hurt even more because tomorrow is Toesday.


At 8:51 PM, Blogger Houley posited...

the last one, in addition to being anti-funny, makes anti-sense.

At 11:26 PM, Blogger Josh posited...

guy's a genius

At 12:01 AM, Blogger Tay posited...

i'm not going to lie wanninger, that shit is pretty funny. i mean i would have laughed at it in a pitying manner. i think you were a little too hard on him.

At 8:16 AM, Anonymous Carson posited...

Could have been worse. Larry the Cable Guy could have lived across the hall.

At 12:59 PM, Blogger Erin posited...

Why don't I remember Keith? Did he move before I came back from China?

Hi, by the way. :-)

At 5:22 PM, Anonymous Kath posited...

Erin, you just don't want to remember Keith!

At 1:23 AM, Blogger Kid C posited...

Whatever, that last one was gold.

At 2:28 PM, Blogger Vinnie-Senza posited...

um. wow. that's really all i can say.

At 1:30 PM, Anonymous Hannah posited...

that guy is my soul mate.

or should i say, sole mate. because i'm not wearing shoes.

At 8:26 PM, Blogger Kelsi posited...

Keith's jokes are sort of on the lame level of the orchestra conductor's jokes.
His are kind of like riddles though:

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because they kept saying "Bach".

At 6:27 PM, Blogger Houley posited...

what happens when Keith finds this blog?

At 10:42 PM, Blogger CoachDub posited...

Since he was a huge computer geek who probably owns half of Google now, he just might.
But also he never did his laundry and he took 2 hour showers.


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